Delayed Sleep Phase Syndrome

[renniegirlbabs]

Dear hardend:
Not to be discouraging to those that want to change their schedules, but I am a 41 year old woman who has accepted her DSPS and got my work to work around me. I spent years struggling to go to sleep in time to be able to go to work well-rested. When I was younger, I was famous for getting little or no sleep and still going to work and performing well. But as I got older, I really needed more sleep, and over the 13 years I've been at my job, my schedule has 'slipped.' I have a great boss, as well as a tedious job that I do well (which also helps give me leverage, I think), and although my schedule would be an issue every so often, about 2 years ago it finally was accepted that I'll come in around 2p.

At first I thought I had a non-24 hour clock as I had been 'slipping' for years (a little less than a half an hour a year), but after 'slipping' past 2 and trying to pull it back (both cause I would have very little time to get things done with co-workers/clients, and cause I really disliked getting home at midnight or later when I took lunch), I found that I could actually keep to a 2p work schedule. But I don't easily pull back much earlier than that: if I have to get up for a meeting or a doctor's appt, I can guarantee you that I'll sacrifice sleep. Other than that, though, I feel that I sleep well and am well-rested with anywhere from 6-10 hours (I am not very consistent, another hallmark of DSPS). In fact, when I try to go to bed a few hours early, I find than I often wind up going to sleep later than I would have otherwise, probably due to stress.

Over the years, I tried many 'cures.' I've tried various drugs (both sleep drugs and others), I've gotten up early for years (having to get up no later than 7am most of my life), I've kept the lights down at night and bright during the day when I'm inside, etc. But I have to say, like a few others I found on this post, I *like* my natural schedule. I feel free in some way that I can't explain. When I finally said to myself, I'm going to bed when I'm tired and not before, it was the biggest sense of freedom to me—for the first time in my *entire* life, I actually started to go to sleep often within 15 minutes to 30 minutes of lying down. I used to spend multiple hours lying in bed trying to go to sleep for years and years, even though I regularly got up early. Even as a child, I'd read with a flashlight under the covers since I'd get in trouble if my parents saw me up late.

With all that said, I thought I'd let others know of some of the info I've read, mainly from doctors' research online:
*some people get off their normal schedule due to circumstances like keeping an irregular sleep schedule. This is particularly common in young people, frequent travelers, or those on 2nd or 3rd shifts. These people can be helped with various treatments and feel better when they are helped back to their 'normal' schedule.
*an estimated 45% have inherited their DSPS: it is 'abnormal' for them to sleep during 'regular' hours. These are most likely the people that feel good on their 'abnormal' schedule, if only the world would allow them to keep to it. Over the years I've read comments from many of these people, and I am one of them.

I have read that some of the population, regardless of what their natural cycle is, can easily be trained to a different cycle after a week of getting up at a certain time; others can't. Also, I've read that sleeping pills don't work for someone who has an inherited DSPS, but can work to correct those that are 'off' their normal schedule (instead of being 'off' from what society considers a *normal* schedule.)

Now, to the personal. Recently, my sister and I had a big fight in which she told me that she's been holding in for 20 years how mad she was at me because I am so 'inconsiderate' since I am sometimes late to family functions which start around 1 or 2 in order to accommodate everyone else's schedules (even when it's my birthday). And she's not the only one who is annoyed with me. I knew they got frustrated sometimes, but I didn't realize everyone felt that this was my fault, something I could easily correct, and it upset me greatly—I thought I'd conquered that idea that I'm just 'lazy' or I could fix it if I just tried.

First of all, I don't believe that that's true for me, both from experience and from what I've read, and secondly I DON"T WANT TO FIX IT! This feels natural to me, and after 20 years of feeling stressed at bedtime, staying awake for hours getting freaked out all the while, being terrified about missing meetings, feeling tired at work, etc., I feel like I came *home* when I accepted my natural schedule and got my work to go along with it. Unfortunately, it has hurt my social life. I have no friends with my schedule and find it hard to date, as most of the men I've dated get frustrated when I can't easily go to sleep when they do. This has become worse over the years because when I was younger, people stayed up much later (although I always outlasted everyone anyway). However, I am hopeful that I'll find a way to meet others like me in my area. And also, I'm no longer in a phase in which I am fascinated with the conversation of all. In other words, I prefer to spend a lot of time alone anyhow, as I enjoy the self-discovery process, or, as I say, *being in my head." My aloneness has served a purpose in growth. Also, I have to say that I have always been a nonconformist, and I feel empowered to know that I am living life on my own terms. That may seem silly in light of the social aspects that I am sacrificing, but it is how I feel nonetheless.

To all of you who know that DSPS is who you are, internally, and want to be yourself: believe that you can with all your heart, and it will work out in the end. To others who feel that they are off their normal schedule, and want to get back: believe that you can with all your heart, and it will all work out in the end. Love to you all. I am on yohoo as well.

[renniegirlbabs]

Note: When I began this post, I was replying to hardend who stated that he didn't want to be 'fixed.' As I began writing, I realized that I had much more to say than said response, so I copied my text, cancelled the post, copied what I'd written to a general post, and finished writing (my very long post—congratulations if you got through it all!) I thought I had deleted the "Dear Hardend," but evidently didn't. Just wanted to clarify, as this post is obviously not just to hardend, but to all. peace.